keep it on the positive

2009-09-01T14:21:00.001-07:00

the transition has been made.

www.dehollajoras.tumblr.com

RIP Isaac Deres

2009-08-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

I didn't know Isaac too well, but what I did know was that his presence was enough to make the whole room laugh, his jokes never failed to lighten up the mood, and his positivity gave us all both hope that maybe we're not in as bad a shithole as we think we're in and inspiration to look at the brighter side of things. Isaac was an angel in human form, here to help us realize how much we need to cherish our lives and everything in it.

At his viewing yesterday, the room was filled with family and friends, but it was the love for this boy emanating from everyone in the room that blew me away. I cried so hard, just coming to realize that Isaac was no longer with us, and I cried even harder knowing how much pain and suffering his family and close friends were going through. But there was no doubt that everyone in the room knew that his soul was in heaven, where it belonged.

Death is not in our hands. We can't control it. We can't foresee it. We can't prevent it. We can only make the best out of our lives before we leave. Cherish every moment. Even the shit ones. Cherish the fact that you're not in a worse situation. Take the time to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. And be thankful for the fact that you're a healthy, breathing, living human being.

You will be missed Isaac.

r&r

2009-08-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

i was running out of fuel, but this weekend was so relaxing, that i'm ready to tear shit apart haha.

lesson learned

2009-07-28T02:24:00.001-07:00

i learned a really important lesson today. what makes me sad is that it took me this long to learn it.

it's funny how

2009-07-27T13:43:00.001-07:00

language can be such a powerful yet destructive thing.

sick

2009-07-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

i'm getting sick of this mcat bullshit. i'm being robbed of my summer...and my self-confidence. i need to stop comparing myself to others. i need to be my only competition. i need...

...a break...

you know that feeling...

2009-07-16T14:31:00.001-07:00

...when you're checking in your bags at the international section of the airport, and you smell that oh-so-familiar smell of new magazines, coffee, pleather seats, and just...excitement? fuck, i miss that. my mom and my sister left for the philippines last night, and all these familiar sensations started to flood my senses. one of my favorite parts about traveling is that hour or two waiting at the gate before departure, when you're not completely sure what you're about to do or see or experience at your next destination (and by destination, i mean anywhere but home). but that anticipation is what's so f*cking exciting, and usually, the experience never lets down. when they left, i felt this longing for something new, something outside this polluted wasteland...and then i started thinking about all the memories i've made from past travels and it made my heart hurt realizing how much i miss it all.

wow

2009-06-26T15:21:00.001-07:00

MCAT, GMT, family, no social life, work, no sleep...

I'm a boss tho you know wha I'm sayin? I can handle this. =)

more art

2009-05-21T20:43:00.001-07:00

Yo. I just wanted to share some more art.

These pieces were done using ink and a really long-handled (3 feet long) brush. So basically we were painting standing up with our paper on the ground. The point is to capture figures and shapes without paying so much attention to detail. You definitely have less control over the brush, but isn't art better when you're not expecting something amazing at the end? Surprises are much better =)

So imagine a high stool, and imagine a guy named Daniel laying on the stool on his belly with his arms and legs dangling. The painting turned out to look kind of morbid, when really Daniel was in a most awkward and funny position. Good thing I didn't have his butt angle.

For this one, we drew a first layer using conte crayons, an oil-based medium. On top of that, we used the ink (water-based). The man in ink is Javier, on his knees about to propose to Sarah. Haha.

On a completely random but very happy note, my life is blessed with the most awesome, genuine, real people, and I LOVE them. =)

first charcoal

2009-05-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share my first charcoal piece with whoever reads this. My reproduction of Homme Portant un Chapeau de Paille, Assis sur l'Herbe by Seurat.

Damn, this art class has got me all excited. Fuck science! =)

Mr. Right MUST be holding his coffee cup with his wrists exposed and feet turned outward

2009-04-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

I came across this absolutely ridiculous Facebook quiz just now (I've only taken one after realizing that these quizzes are all absolutely ridiculous and written by dumbasses). This quiz was taken by my friend and her results popped up in my stalker feed. It was called "Where will you meet Mr. Right?" Apparently it's the coffee shop for her. But here was the description for the nature of this destined meeting.

You are most likely to meet your "Mr. Right" at an upscale coffee shop. Avoid men with a day-old newspaper, unkept hair or nails, is constantly checking his watch and men who have their back turned to you. All these indicate a "less than ideal" man. Instead, look for the rugged yet well-groomed man, with stunning eyes who is sipping his coffee while looking out the window or is relaxing on the comfy leather chair while the sunlight hits his face. Frequent coffee shops in the financial district of a busy down town city center for the perfect guy. Consider it a bonus if he is holding the coffee with two hands with his wrists visible and if his feet are turned in your direction. Go ahead, make eye contact and smile...and let the journey begin!

Ladies, take note of these specifications so you'll really know whether or not the next man you meet is Mr. Right! Or, savour the stupidity of this highly entertaining bullshit and then laugh your ass off (which...I hope you do). Hehe.

random

2009-04-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

she's always been such a mystery to me. such a proud woman with a strength it seems she was forced to learn because of all the shit life has thrown at her. i always wonder if that pride and strength has taken up all the space and left no room for affection and understanding and joy. guess you can't expect an unsolved mystery to solve itself. maybe it's time for me to stand on my head and see things from a different perspective.

2009-03-20T01:42:00.001-07:00

first all-nighter of my life. i have my vanilla double shot, my subway, and unfortunately a bad case of bubble guts. i'm set for the night.

as natasha mendez has said...

"don't be discouraged by what's temporary"

good luck on finals everyoneeee

after-today-i-will-be-completely-broke day

2009-02-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

I’ve never been big on Valentine’s Day, but since this year marks the first time I’ve ever experienced a Valentine’s Day in the midst of a recession and also because I’ve always felt a certain way about Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d put in my two cents.

Remember Valentine’s Day back in elementary school? The week before, everyone in the class would make their own Valentine’s Day “mailbox” and on the day of, everyone would bring in themed V-day cards of all kinds (Scooby Doo, Sailor Moon, Power Rangers, the Hulk, you name it) and give one to every single kid in the class, even the fat kid who took a shit in the playground. At least on that day (not sure about every other day of the year), everyone felt loved and appreciated and popular and happy that they got a Valentine from that cute boy or girl. And hey, that box of themed V-day cards only cost $5 of my mom’s money! $5 and you made a whole classroom full of little kids extremely happy (at least for a day, haha). Those were the days. What happened to that?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Valentine's Day has put this insane and totally ridiculous twist to the word "love". Back in the 18th century, lovers used Valentine’s Day to write handwritten notes to each other to convey how they felt about each other and how much they appreciated the other in their lives (think Pride and Prejudice, haha). Things have changed. Our society has taught us to equate money and material objects with love, and Valentine’s Day now consists of a new piece of Tiffany’s jewelry, flowers, and dinner at a celebrity-chef restaurant (an example for this post’s sake). With that, corporations have exploited and taken advantage of our stupidity and turned Valentine’s Day into this hugely commercialized money-making event. Is that what Valentine’s Day is all about? Is that what "love" is all about? I never thought so. If, for some reason, you need one day in the year to tell your boo you love him/her, at least use that day to creatively let your loved one know he or she is worth your while.

So, since we are conveniently in a recession, I guess you're conveniently being forced to get creative when it comes to making your loved one feel loved. But that should be good for you right? Instead of spending big bucks on an expensive dinner and jewelry/handbag/fancy electronic, why not just cuddle up in front of the TV with lots of junk food and all your favorite movies? Not only is that quality time, it's cheap! =)

Now I might be saying all this because I am a broke-ass muthafucka. Haha, good thing I actually do stand by my opinions in this post.

Love with love! Not with objects.

ugh

2009-02-01T22:59:00.001-08:00

I've definitely been slacking these past few weeks. Three words:

what i ate this weekend

2009-01-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

Friday: shaved ice at Guppy's
In-N-Out right after
Saturday: boba and popchorn chicken at Tap
two plates of meat at Mr. Lee's
lots of pretzels
lots of brownies
Sunday: sushi at Niko Niko
more pretzels
more brownies
Pho

ahhhhh

love scrubs

2009-01-12T00:08:00.000-08:00

I heard this awesome and very inspiring quote from Scrubs:

"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever...gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and somestimes, y'know, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do...believe in it. Bottom line: couples who are turly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is that they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."
-Dr. Cox

Hello 2009

2009-01-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

I haven't given much thought to my New Year's Resolutions. But I realized one thing from last year. I buried myself so much in school that I didn't make enough time for those around me. Over the years, I've come to realize how precious a thing time is, but it means nothing if you don't spend it with the people you love. The past year, I was overwhelmed with the thought that there isn't enough time. Because of that, I always chose school over friends. I neglected people and things that shouldn't have been neglected. Sure, studies will get you through your education and in life and all that, but what fun would that have been if in the process you missed out on all the things everyone will reminisce about in the future? So it all comes down to one thing: time management. School is important, but so are the people in your life. Hold close the people that matter. I've always known this, I don't know why I let that slip away.

Oh school, you kill my social life. It's ok, I'll get you back.

So, in addition to all those default resolutions (work out, get straight As, etc), I resolve to make more time for others. I know I truly appreciate when people make time for me despite busy schedules. My New Year's resolution is to return the favor.

So for this year, I hope every single one of you is successful with your New Year's resolutions and that your time this year is filled with love, good times, prosperity (f*cking economy), adventures, and good health.

As a sidenote..
I'm 21! Let's get drunk! Teehee. My grandma gave me a bottle of Bailey's for Christmas. Before she gave it to me, she said: "Use this in MODERATION. Capital M, capital O, capital D..." Haha!

Christmas

2008-12-29T22:24:00.000-08:00

If you know me, you know that I am a Christmas freak and overflowing with excitement for the holidays come October, haha. Yes, October. This year though, everything felt different. I didn't feel that usual giddyness or warmth at the sight of Christmas decorations or hearing my favorite Christmas songs on the radio. Instead I felt stress and anxiety, partly thanks to this past fall quarter. But then I also thought, that maybe this is just me growing up, getting older. My priorities have changed and it makes me sad knowing that I need to let go of (don't laugh) being a child. Maybe what makes me love children so much is their innocence and how positive their outlook is on everything. It made me sad to know that what used to make me happy doesn't have quite the same effect anymore. BUT, coming into Christmas with all these downer feelings, this Christmas was the best one yet. Why? I just found my happiness in a different place. I spent it with the best people I could ever ask for in my life, and really though, that's all you need.

2008-12-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

So I'll be here for a week, enjoying good weather and good people. I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday break!

1,2 step

2008-12-11T00:13:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share this video with you all because it made me laugh for days and got funnier each time I watched it HAHA.

Single

2008-12-10T02:01:00.000-08:00

"Single"

New Kids on the Block featuring Ne-Yo.

Key word "featuring". Ne-Yo, how generous of you.

Hahahahaha, I'm sorry but I couldn't stop laughing when I watched the video. I wanted to post it, but it's 2am and I' m too tired to figure it out.

coffee intoxication

2008-12-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

I guess you need to build up a tolerance for coffee, just like alcohol. I am not a coffee drinker, but yesterday, I had to resort to purchasing some because of my inability to STAY AWAKE! Too bad it resulted in uncontrollable jitters and reading biochemistry text too fast for my mind to comprehend any of it. It's a lose-lose situation. I lose time either by sleeping at 11:30pm or by rereading text two or three times.

Aaaand, of course I decide to waste more time blogging.

I'll just leave you with an amazing quote that's simple yet so meaningful.

"Sometimes you have to hurt before you can grow."

2008-12-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

my mistake. it was a woman who died and she was a wal-mart employee who was trampled to death at wal-mart's opening. still...

ridiculous

2008-12-01T23:21:00.000-08:00

So apparently, a man in New York was trampled to death attempting to get his share of the goods on Black Friday. I am shaking my head in shame right now. Current generations have become so caught up in the materialism of this world, that it's become a sort of obsession. Even in the middle of an economic recession, people still camped overnight at their favorite stores to grab a hold of that hdtv or whatever. It's ridiculous. And I don't mean to sound as if I'm looking down on shopping or taking advantage of sales. Sales are good...I know...I shop as well. But to this extent? Death by obsessive shoppers? I know I'm being insensitive towards his death (my condolences to his family and loved ones), but to have died in the midst of some materialistic craze is not the best way to go. Lesson of the day: materialism gets you nowhere.

So the library has now become my home. I had my camera in my backpack today and so I decided to take some random pictures of my study environment...just because.

This is Starbucks lady. I needed a break and attempted to draw her. She's slightly disproportionate. But whatever. It did its job by giving my mind a break from biochem.

I've also decided that I need to eat healthier. Because of a lack of money and good food on campus, I've been eating pizza and fast food everyday. So gross. Thanksgiving did not help so much either. Unless you count the spinach that was in the spinach dip. But that was also mixed with a lot of mayo and sour cream. Haha! So counterproductive. The apple was good, but one fruit is definitely not satisfying! Especially after long hours of studying. And being that I only had coins to spare...I had to resort to buying something from the library vending machine...

Oh mannnnn! I guess eating healthy/dieting is not for me. I failed after what...two hours? FML.

Why am I even wasting time with this? I need to study! But to end this, I hope that everyone's Thanksgiving weekend was fullfilling, satisfying, full of thanks, and without any Black Friday injuries. Good luck on finals...

dead skin?

2008-11-29T02:30:00.000-08:00

man, you gotta love little kids. this is my cousin timmy, and he lives in corona close to where the fires were. here's a conversation between him and my aunt that had everyone doubled up laughing, hahaha.

auntie min: hey timmy...did you see all the ash coming from the fires?

timmy: yeah i saw it

auntie min: do you know what ash is made of?

timmy: yeah. dead skin!

AHAHAHHA oh man. too cute.

happy thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T00:52:00.000-08:00

For the first time ever, I am coming home to a four-day Thanksgiving vacay without my usual uncontrollable excitement. I feel so hung over with stress and worry about a mixture of things.

1) ...
2) biochem..DO OR DIE!
3) finals
4) finals
5) FINALS

Ahhh!

But I'm complaining as if I'm the only one going through this. I know everyone must be feeling the exact same way. I guess I'm just feeling a lot of pressure this year to ace my classes, otherwise, med school is out of the picture.

Well, it's technically Thanksgiving. So in honor of that, I want to say that one thing I am thankful for (not the only thing, just the one I want to mention) is my boyfriend Jay. Words can't express how thankful I am for his presence in my life. Trust me on that, haha. =)

Goodnight, kids. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

*As a last note, make sure to reflect on how lucky you are to be living the life you live. Even if times may seem bad, it's a complete luxury in the eyes of those less fortunate than us. Don't take it for granted!*

bad day

2008-11-18T21:43:00.000-08:00

I am not a coffee drinker. But two nights ago, I had a few sips of Jasmine's Starbucks to keep me up long enough to finish my essay. Too bad that I finished it by 2am and didn't fall asleep until 6:30am and had to wake up by 8:30am. I hate coffee. The next day was completely spent on studying for my midterm, which was today. Don't you hate it when you feel like you totally have it in the bag, but then find out you don't? Oh mann...thought I had it!

So something else happened today. I was walking on campus and I passed by these four people sitting sitting on the ground. Three girls and one guy. And just as a sidenote, I was totally dressed down today: t-shirt, basketball shorts, and minimal make-up. I like to be comfortable when I take my midterms, haha. So as I was walking past, one of the girls looks at me, whispers something to the guy next to her, and then he yells "HELL NAW!"...looking at me at the same time. I'm thinking to myself "What the hell? They talking about me??" This was sort of confirmed when the girl who asked the question started cracking up hella loud and obnoxiously, and then the two other girls turn to look at me in a giggling response. Damn. Haha. Could they not make it any less obvious? By this time I had already passed them, but I could still hear them laughing. I'm not completely sure what they were laughing about exactly. I can only guess it was my face or the way I was dressed. At that moment though, I felt extremely vulnerable. I felt like everyone I passed by was now looking at me and noticing what those four people were noticing (though I know that's not true). Now normally...I definitely don't care. But when you see someone making fun of you in front of your face...it's a different story. Heh. I got over it quickly though. Even Jay said that I was "so not self-conscious". What I was more pissed off about was the fact that they felt like they could do that to someone so obnoxiously and get away with it. Maybe that girl had her own self-esteem problems and was just trying to pick on someone she thought didn't look so good. Whatever...how sad. And as for the guy, I hope he doesn't continue being so picky about girls cuz...he ain't no hottie either. Not one of those oooh-damn-boy-can-i-holla-right-quick type of guys. And it seems like his personality kind of sucks as well. Anyway, I'm not trying to impress anyone but this one dude =)

On a good note...Jay and I just celebrated our three year anniversary on the 17th. Too bad the word "celebrated" in this context is equivalent to "studied on". It's ok though. I'll be spending the first week of winter break up in the bay with him...so that totally makes up for it =)

Ahhh. I am very tired and sleep-deprived. Niiiiight.

2008-10-31T23:49:00.000-07:00

JLB, you are the best person I have ever known. Period.

ugh...

2008-10-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

I want Nov. 5 to come so badly.

inspiration for this post came from katelyn mariko updyke

2008-10-23T23:02:00.000-07:00

have you ever been inspired? i don't know about you, but when it happens, it can be one of the most uplifting, fortifying feelings you will ever know. inspiration is our drive, our source of passion, and the one thing that makes us haul ass to reach our goals. if it's not, well then, what exactly are you working for? whether it be coming from a friend, a family member, a significant other, a social or political figure, a piece of artwork, or a simple experience, it's the one thing that, for me at least, has really illuminated what path i want to take in life and how hard i'm willing to work to get there.

so, if you don't know, i want to be a physician. it's been my passion ever since high school, and the inspiration i've been showered with over the past month has only made that passion grow that much stronger. the thing is, up until recently, i wasn't really sure why i wanted to do it. well let's see...you get to help people, obviously, the position title is just so damn impressive, and hey, you basically have money growing out of your ass. what kind of inspiration did that desire come from? (btw, don't get me wrong, i never wanted to be a doctor only for the money. it's a definite plus of course. i'm just trying to make this blog interesting). but this nine-day experience and journey in panama has helped to, let's say, redirect or refine my passion for pursuing this career. if you asked me several months, or even weeks, ago why i wanted to be a doctor, i don't know if i could have given you a solid answer. i probably would have said that i wanted to help people. but why. why do i want to help people?

one of the things that's inspired me over the last month was the lifestyle that i was exposed to in panama. i've realized not only what kind of self-seeking and egotistical life i live, but also the reason why i want to pursue this career, why i want to help people. those people in panama truly live a life of poverty. they drink parasite-infested water on a daily basis, live out a land-fill, and don't have 50 cents to buy decent health insurance. but the thing is, some of the people i encountered seemed to be the happiest people i've ever met. despite the lifestyle they lived and the conditions they lived in, they didn't seem to be phased in the least bit. there's no doubt that they've been through a lof of suffering, but just the way they deal, so humbly and gratefully, makes them the most deserving people of all. for every single patient that i attended to, this enormous gratitude emanated from their whole being, and seeing that over and over was my hundred-fold inspiration. these people deserve better health and a better life, and someday, i want to be a part of whatever makes that happen.

panama...me accorde de ti...always.

so not focused

2008-10-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

So, instead of studying, here I am blogging. Instead of reading about amino acids and how their ionizable R groups interact with each other, I'm thinking about :

-getting my headlight fixed
-taking care of my fix-it ticket (which...I better do soon. haha)
-how I'm missing out on the Philippines this summer to take MCAT classes
-what I'm going to wear on Nov. 17. ha!
-how funny my hamster looks when she runs in her ball
-how I need to clean my bathroom
-buying some boots

I've wasted about 23 minutes thinking about these things. Isn't it weird though how time flies by the fastest when you want it to slow down?

On a side note, I miss my Panama people.

I'm sorry to whoever's reading this extremely random and pointless post. It's late and I'm tired and I think I just needed to wake myself up and get back to all this science-y stuff. Blog with substance! Ok, next time.

By the way, take a look at that quote to the right...

2 a.m.

2008-10-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

It's funny how these habits we pick up throughout the years totally mess up our goals.

Panama...me accorde de ti.

2008-09-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

So it's 7:30 AM. I slept at 3 thinking about Panama and woke up four uncomfortable hours later still thinking about Panama. What a week can do to you, huh? Panama...you've given me nine days of some of the most memorable experiences of my lifetime, but most importantly, you've made me realize just how enormously grateful I need to be for all the things in life that I normally take for granted. For having a bed to sleep in every night, for having the means to get an education, for being able to buy as much medicine as I want and not have to worry that I will run out, for having the luxury of choices and options. All the things I used to complain about seem so insignificant right now and Panama...I'm sorry for being such a selfish person. Being thrown out of my own comfort zone into one a complete one-eighty away has really put things into perspective for me and I'm truly grateful for it.

To have almost nothing and to still see these kinds of smiles...is beautiful.

one thing...

2008-09-09T11:33:00.000-07:00

the idea for the url of this blog came from Tasha Mendez, one amazing lady who is gonna make this world a better place =) haha

end of summer

2008-09-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

So this summer, I did not do half the things that I had planned for myself. But I honestly don't regret it, because instead, I got to spend a lot more time with my fam and cousins. First let me just say, HOW much I love my cousins. Despite the huge age gaps there are between all of us, I never ever fail to have a bomb ass time with them. Haha, it makes me smile to think of all the stupid, fun, spontaneous things we did this summer and how much laughter there was.

There's one thing that makes me sad though. I want to travel. I want to go everywhere and anywhere and experience everything there is to experience. A lot of friends and people I know went all over the world this summer, and to see all their pictures somewhere on the internet made me all kinds of jealous haha. Not really jealous, just sad that I don't think I'll be able to travel like that until I'm an old lady. I have done a good deal of traveling already, but you know how it is. Getting a taste of something so good just makes you want more. But I shouldn't be complaining...I'm going to Panama in about a week =) Not for leisure, but definitely for a good cause, and I plan on making the most out of that trip as I possibly can. But really though, travel does you good. Look what kind of thang my last travels got me into =D

So, the school year is just around the corner and to be totally honest, I'm a cocktail of excitement and apprehension. But more excited! Definitely! Haha. I've put a lot on my plate, but I know that it'll just be a simple matter of time management and priority-setting. Which...I think I've gotten pretty good at in the past year. And I say simple because...I'm gonna make it simple! Der. =) I'll be taking just three classes, but that's completely fine with me, considering what those classes are. I finally got hired to be this world-renowned (or pretty close to) math professor's assistant! Oh shit, am I scared. It's just office work. Ya know, making copies, sending out mail, organizing stuff...lol. But seriously, I am a little intimidated by 1) the fact that I am working for some math genius who has written a million books on various mathematical subject matters...who knew you could write so much about math! and 2) the fact that I am replacing Natasha Harrel, who has had this position for two and a half years. I have big shoes to fill. Oh, and 3) I will be the only non-math major and already I kind of feel out of the loop. But $11/hr. Gooood shit =)

Kathryn Leu, I miss you and come back home soon!

This post turned out to be pretty random and unorganized.

i've made a new blog...

2008-07-03T20:59:00.000-07:00

...because I have a lot of thoughts, and it'd be a good idea to write them all down before I forget. There's a lot to say, but my house is currently in a craze preparing for my mom's departure to the Philippines. I'll be back =)